Weird night in Manhattan...

details to come...
Those gathered around the kitchen at the end of the night, as I'm talking and we're cleaning up, wonder if I'm a professional story teller.

1979

Transistor radio pressed to my ear against my bed’s pillow. WABC AM tuned in. “Don’t stop till you get enough” and “I want to rock with you” in heavy rotation. I’m a struggling 7th grade drummer trying to find the beat. It occurs to me during these blind pillow sessions that you can actually see the beat. It’s an amazing vision. I still can see it to this day at certain times.

It didn’t happen over night. It took some Stones covers, some Beatles vamping, and some Led Zep jamming to finally get it. But the one long and lonely strand of rhythm DNA was born on those radio nights and slinked through me to transform 2/4 beats into 1234 celebrations.

Then came “Beat it.” The visibile beat reborn like a throbbing strobe. And that DNA found its way to the way I play.

And that’s just about Farrah.

50 Reasons to have sex

From the web site http://trooper392.deviantart.com/art/50-Reasons-To-Have-Sex-125509769. I don't endorse #s 18, 23 and 28. But I don't mind if some of you do. Feel free to add to the list.

1) Because you can't get to sleep
2) Make-up sex
3) Break-up sex
4) Your friend told you about a new position
5) Revenge
6) Rebound
7) Paratrooping / Bangin' for roof
8) Nothing good on TV
9) Because you're in a hotel
10) Curiosity
11) It's raining
12) It's half-time
13) Diet / exercise
14) Celebrate recent weight loss
15) You finally get the chance to show your childhood bed some action
16) Prom night
17) You're already at their place and don't want to have to move your car
18) Show off new lingerie
19) Celebrate major victory by favorite team and/or political candidate
20) Your chance to do it in a specific location (ex: airplane, Burger King bathroom)
21) To prove we're not in a rut
22) Stress relief
23) Just shaved legs
24) Forgot to buy a birthday present
25) "Let's get it on" by Marvin Gaye is playing on the radio
26) Celebrating the joy of life after a near-death experience
27) Your one chance with a celebrity
28) Time an egg
29) To avoid cleaning, studying or doing work of any kind
30) She wants to
31) It's cold outside
32) Cheer someone up (pity)
33) Keeping up with the neighbors
34) Your room mate is out of town and you can do it on the couch
35) Some very protected sex to celebrate the fact that I'm not/we're not/you're not pregnant
36) Practice
37) They have air-conditioning and you don't
38) Because he/she is from one of the countries you haven't had sex with a person from yet
39) "Damn, your calves look good in those cargo shorts" sex
40) Called/texted the wrong person but she was into it anyway
41) Because she looks like your super hot cousin and this is the closest it'll ever get to being okay
42) Breaking in a new apartment
43) Because he said he loves you and you're not ready to say it back yet
44) Wingman diving on the friend grenade
45) Your condoms are about to expire
46) It's getting a little hard
47) Miscommunication (Cheetos sex)
48) To reinforce good behavior (such as shaving & dental hygiene)
49) To change the subject
50) LOVE ♥

Friends by numbers

Never have I been so entrenched in a totally gay ritual as I was today.

Had a kind of half day at work—we do this summer Friday kind of thing to get a jump on getting wasted and sunburned on the weekend. I spent my afternoon at the Apple store getting my new 3GS.

The store is a 10-minute walk from my office in SoHo. I reserved my snazzy new phone last week so as to be guaranteed a place in this slowly moving parade. I stood in a line. Me. I never stand in lines. I cut. I bribe. I sneak in through back doors. Today I stood in line. Maybe it was because I just had a xanax prescription refilled and was totally chilled.

The Apple replecants guiding the line said a 25-minute wait, tops. I was inside within 5. I pretended to be a hander outer of the free bottled water they were giving out and then slipped the “bouncer” a $20.

Sweet!

The let me into the store and, as they do for each group of 5-10 people they let in exclusively for the new 3GS, the staff starts clapping for us. This is where the Apple shows its peach. Total va-ja-ja, as if we’re all sharing our period at the same time. Which, if you think about it, isn’t so different from the Apple product cycle. Isn’t that cool!?

No.

Men with braces slinking up to me to reveal the sensuality of the new iPhone is not—in my humble opinion—exactly a lap dance.

Give me my goddamn phone and don’t junk up the trunk with people clapping when they could be translating the 300 contacts from my old— which turned out to be untranslatable— piece of shit Verizon phone.

Now I have to configure SIM cards, nudge a new W-Fi network and figure out a way to hook up in the future. I’ve lost all my numbers. This is tragic. I’ve lost Roxanne’s number. JJ’s #, even though that’s probably a gain more than a loss.

I’ve lost valuable and forward thinking digits. All for the most ultimate piece of techno one can palm.

Is it worth it? I guess we’ll see. Who would ever once have thought a new phone could seismically alter a languishing social life?

Me.

Perverted banjo

These are of the darkness I find online. If you like what I list, link to the www below.


http://www.collthings.co.uk/2008/04/25-funny-country-song-titles.html

25 Funny Country Song Titles
labels: funny stuff |
Here's a list of 25 funny country song titles:

1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye.

2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.

3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl,
But It Don't Run So We're Even.

5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head).

6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.

8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away.

9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.

10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here.

15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.

18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.

19. Please Bypass My Heart.

20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.

21. You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.

22. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.

24. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

25. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.