Secluded beach, sometime last week

Sent from my iPhone

(this won't count as a new post, Ann.)

Vacation. Day 1.

Sandy Hook, NJ, North Beach (The most uncrowded beach, ever)

The only reason my body isn't pointed toward the ocean is because it was 3:00 in the afternoon when I took the pic and I was angling southwest toward the sun, as opposed to due east. And no speculating on what I photoshopped out of the lower center of the pic, dammit.

My bad

That’ll teach me to BUI. Nothing more boring than a million word cut and paste that no one wants to read because they already read it by force in 8th grade.

The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.

He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.

He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:

For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing taxes on us without our consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:

For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:


For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:

For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:

For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

Skyrockets and beer

Fun night. Walked a half-a-mile with a rolling 30 lb. cooler of exotic beers, met a cool couple that needed a dude as a counterpoint, met a girl who was unguardedly smashed just before we walked to the yacht club to see the fireworks--and by smashed I mean smashed as in 11 self-made vodka iced teas or whatever the fuck she was drinking or smoking or snorting smashed, watched some tripped out fire works; lost the smashed girl, um, accidentally; paid $5 for me and an unknown until then family of 4 to pee in an italian restaurant (the little girl doing the pee pee dance got to go first), met Marybeth again for the 2nd time in 365 days; was denoted a professional story teller; was noted for my tan lines (necklace--somehow, and, the coolest of all tan lines, the flipflop tanline). Later, that same night, I talked to Marybeth in a meaningful way because she happened to be sitting on the cooler that held all of my Landshark Lager beer. And the smashed girl made it back to the party.

Pics are of fireworks (no, really?) and of the party's host, me and her pup.

Weird night in Manhattan...

details to come...
Those gathered around the kitchen at the end of the night, as I'm talking and we're cleaning up, wonder if I'm a professional story teller.

1979

Transistor radio pressed to my ear against my bed’s pillow. WABC AM tuned in. “Don’t stop till you get enough” and “I want to rock with you” in heavy rotation. I’m a struggling 7th grade drummer trying to find the beat. It occurs to me during these blind pillow sessions that you can actually see the beat. It’s an amazing vision. I still can see it to this day at certain times.

It didn’t happen over night. It took some Stones covers, some Beatles vamping, and some Led Zep jamming to finally get it. But the one long and lonely strand of rhythm DNA was born on those radio nights and slinked through me to transform 2/4 beats into 1234 celebrations.

Then came “Beat it.” The visibile beat reborn like a throbbing strobe. And that DNA found its way to the way I play.

And that’s just about Farrah.

50 Reasons to have sex

From the web site http://trooper392.deviantart.com/art/50-Reasons-To-Have-Sex-125509769. I don't endorse #s 18, 23 and 28. But I don't mind if some of you do. Feel free to add to the list.

1) Because you can't get to sleep
2) Make-up sex
3) Break-up sex
4) Your friend told you about a new position
5) Revenge
6) Rebound
7) Paratrooping / Bangin' for roof
8) Nothing good on TV
9) Because you're in a hotel
10) Curiosity
11) It's raining
12) It's half-time
13) Diet / exercise
14) Celebrate recent weight loss
15) You finally get the chance to show your childhood bed some action
16) Prom night
17) You're already at their place and don't want to have to move your car
18) Show off new lingerie
19) Celebrate major victory by favorite team and/or political candidate
20) Your chance to do it in a specific location (ex: airplane, Burger King bathroom)
21) To prove we're not in a rut
22) Stress relief
23) Just shaved legs
24) Forgot to buy a birthday present
25) "Let's get it on" by Marvin Gaye is playing on the radio
26) Celebrating the joy of life after a near-death experience
27) Your one chance with a celebrity
28) Time an egg
29) To avoid cleaning, studying or doing work of any kind
30) She wants to
31) It's cold outside
32) Cheer someone up (pity)
33) Keeping up with the neighbors
34) Your room mate is out of town and you can do it on the couch
35) Some very protected sex to celebrate the fact that I'm not/we're not/you're not pregnant
36) Practice
37) They have air-conditioning and you don't
38) Because he/she is from one of the countries you haven't had sex with a person from yet
39) "Damn, your calves look good in those cargo shorts" sex
40) Called/texted the wrong person but she was into it anyway
41) Because she looks like your super hot cousin and this is the closest it'll ever get to being okay
42) Breaking in a new apartment
43) Because he said he loves you and you're not ready to say it back yet
44) Wingman diving on the friend grenade
45) Your condoms are about to expire
46) It's getting a little hard
47) Miscommunication (Cheetos sex)
48) To reinforce good behavior (such as shaving & dental hygiene)
49) To change the subject
50) LOVE ♥

Friends by numbers

Never have I been so entrenched in a totally gay ritual as I was today.

Had a kind of half day at work—we do this summer Friday kind of thing to get a jump on getting wasted and sunburned on the weekend. I spent my afternoon at the Apple store getting my new 3GS.

The store is a 10-minute walk from my office in SoHo. I reserved my snazzy new phone last week so as to be guaranteed a place in this slowly moving parade. I stood in a line. Me. I never stand in lines. I cut. I bribe. I sneak in through back doors. Today I stood in line. Maybe it was because I just had a xanax prescription refilled and was totally chilled.

The Apple replecants guiding the line said a 25-minute wait, tops. I was inside within 5. I pretended to be a hander outer of the free bottled water they were giving out and then slipped the “bouncer” a $20.

Sweet!

The let me into the store and, as they do for each group of 5-10 people they let in exclusively for the new 3GS, the staff starts clapping for us. This is where the Apple shows its peach. Total va-ja-ja, as if we’re all sharing our period at the same time. Which, if you think about it, isn’t so different from the Apple product cycle. Isn’t that cool!?

No.

Men with braces slinking up to me to reveal the sensuality of the new iPhone is not—in my humble opinion—exactly a lap dance.

Give me my goddamn phone and don’t junk up the trunk with people clapping when they could be translating the 300 contacts from my old— which turned out to be untranslatable— piece of shit Verizon phone.

Now I have to configure SIM cards, nudge a new W-Fi network and figure out a way to hook up in the future. I’ve lost all my numbers. This is tragic. I’ve lost Roxanne’s number. JJ’s #, even though that’s probably a gain more than a loss.

I’ve lost valuable and forward thinking digits. All for the most ultimate piece of techno one can palm.

Is it worth it? I guess we’ll see. Who would ever once have thought a new phone could seismically alter a languishing social life?

Me.

Perverted banjo

These are of the darkness I find online. If you like what I list, link to the www below.


http://www.collthings.co.uk/2008/04/25-funny-country-song-titles.html

25 Funny Country Song Titles
labels: funny stuff |
Here's a list of 25 funny country song titles:

1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye.

2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.

3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl,
But It Don't Run So We're Even.

5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head).

6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.

8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away.

9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.

10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here.

15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.

18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.

19. Please Bypass My Heart.

20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.

21. You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.

22. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.

24. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

25. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.